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Author:
 Ms. Qurrat-ul-Ain Rehman is a well known and
experienced young jurist, human rights activist interested in helping others
at all levels. She will be contributing regularly in our magazine. We
welcome her to be an active member of 'Intellect' family, and by the grace
of God together we will bring a positive difference in the life of others.
Qurrat-ul-Ain, thanks for being with us... Godspeed & Stay blessed.
Hello everyone!
My name is Qurrat-Ul-Ain Rehman I’m a Jurist and proud to be Pakistani. I’m
a great supporter of being involved in the community and enjoy volunteering
to work with special needs this is the only reason for joining the
'Intellect' family.
We live in such a fast-paced society, constrained by the hands of time and
problems. Time and problems are never on our side, and deadlines always seem
to come faster than expected. On the road to completing your Life, you will
come across many problems. No one has time to listen to your complain about
problems. Only the legal person is in this position for a reason.
My teacher use to say which I want to share with you guys……
Don’t announce the problem; fix it
Legal person is the one who deliberately want to hear your problems and came
out with solution.
- Effects of
Divorce
The reason of
writing Article about Divorce is to give pros and cons of Divorce in Family
Life. As the Divorce rate is increasing day by day mostly husband and wife
think about themselves only and they not think about the after effects of
Divorce, So my purpose is to aware them about the after effects of Divorce.
This article summarizes many of the common psychological and emotional
effects divorce has on men, women and children.
Marriage is a civil contract which can be executed and dissolved like any
other contract; in Islam Divorce is the most hated permissible thing in the
sight of Allah. It dissolves families and deprives children the family
atmosphere. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"The most hateful permissible thing (al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is
divorce."
Even in other religion Divorce is also not appreciated, following saying of
Bible proves that GOD hates Divorce:
God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16) and only allows for it in the case of
unfaithfulness by one or the other spouse (Matt. 19:9). Even in the case of
unfaithfulness, God does not require or desire divorce but merely permits it
(Matt 19:7-8). When there has been unfaithfulness or other sins that have
torn apart the relationship, it is God’s desire that both partners would
repent, forgive one another, and reconcile (Luke 17:3-4, 1 Corinth 7:10-11).
Forgiveness is always required, and the failure to forgive is sin
(Matt.6:15).
It may be difficult to forgive, and it may take a long time, but God always
wants us to forgive others. In some marriages, it may be the case that
on-going unfaithfulness or abuse prevents reconciliation in the marriage. It
is not possible, at least not for the foreseeable future, it is neither wise
nor safe for the couple to try to get back together.
However it is automatically dissolved on the death of either spouse.
Additionally spouse’s legal right to dissolve marriage contract is also
recognized in Islam as it is recognized by other Religions and hence both
are entitled with a religious rights to dissolve a marriage. Dissolution of
marriage is a legal process that terminates the marital rights and
responsibilities between spouses. It will substantially affect your
financial and personal life. Issues commonly involved in a dissolution case
are grounds for dissolution, classification and division of assets of the
spouses, ongoing obligations to provide for a spouse after dissolution, the
welfare of any children of the marriage. These materials are intended for
uncontested matters without complex issues.
It may be helpful to understand a little about divorce and the typical
effects it has on men, women and children. If there are 550 divorces and
1,000 marriages in a given year in a given area, the ratio would be one
divorce for every two marriages, e.g. a ratio of 0.55 (55%). However, this
measurement compares two unlike populations, those who can marry and those
who can divorce. The divorce rate in the world is 55 %. Fifty percent of
marriages end in divorce. Five percent of all second marriages end in
divorce. As high as these figures are, the reasons for this are not clear.
Many people cannot afford Marriages; many people who can afford but their
mantel capacity not match. Another reason is strictness from the side of
husband and even from his family. The societal expectation is that divorced
life is less satisfying than married life. Divorce is associated with an
increase in depression people
experience loss of partner, hopes and dreams, and lifestyle.
Here are some of the experiences of men women and children in divorce.
FOR WOMEN:
1. Women initiate divorce twice as often as men
2. 90% of divorced mothers have custody of their children (even if they did
not receive it in court)
3. 60% of people under poverty guidelines are divorced women and children
4. 65% divorced mothers receive no child support even if the court-ordered
child support
6. After divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment in
general than do men. The reasons for this are that women are more likely to
notice marital problems and to feel relief when such problems end
7. After divorce, women are more likely than men to rely on social support
systems and help from others.
8. After divorce, women are more likely to experience an increase in
self-esteem when they divorce and add new roles to their lives.
9. Women who work and place their children in child care experience a
greater stigma than men in the same position. Men in the same position often
attract support and compassion.
FOR MEN:
1. Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems
than women. The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the
loss of social connection, reduced finances, and the common interruption of
the parental role.
2. Men remarry more quickly than women.
3. As compared to "deadbeat dads," men who have shared parenting (joint
legal custody), ample time with their children, and an understanding of and
direct responsibility for activities and expenses of children stay involved
in their children's lives and are in greater compliance with child support
obligations.
4. Men are initially more negative about divorce than women and devote more
energy in attempting to salvage the marriage.
FOR CHILDREN:
Children's psychological reactions to their parents' divorce vary in degree
dependent on three factors: (1) the quality of their relationship with each
of their parents before the separation, (2) the intensity and duration of
the parental conflict, and (3) the parents' ability to focus on the needs of
children in their divorce.
Older studies showed boys had greater social and academic adjustment
problems than girls. New evidence indicates that when children have a hard
time, boys and girls suffer equally; they just differ in how they suffer.
Boys are more externally symptomatic than girls; they act out their anger,
frustration and hurt. They may get into trouble in school; fight more with
peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become
depressed, develop headaches or stomach aches, and have changes in their
eating and sleeping patterns. The impact of father or mother loss is not
likely to be diminished by the introduction of stepparents. No one can
replace Mom or Dad. And no one can take away the pain that a child feels
when a parent decides to separate their lives.
Now that you’ve considered these different issues—how your children might
feel about your current marriage and how aware they may be of your marital
problems, how your children’s daily lives might change because of divorce,
the emotions your children might feel if you divorce, the personal
characteristics of your children that may affect how well they adjust to a
divorce, and how a divorce might affect your parenting—how well do you think
your children would adjust to a divorce?
REFERENCE:
Dr. Judith S. Wallerstein, noted divorce researcher.
Dr. Aslam Khaki, Advocate of Supreme Court of Pakistan (specialist in family
laws).
Heyman, R. E. 2001. “Observation of Couple Conflicts: Clinical Assessment
Applications, Stubborn Truths, and Shaky Foundations.”
Psychological Assessment.
Wallerstein, J., and J. Kelly. 1980. Surviving the Breakup: How Children and
Parents Cope with Divorce.
Courtesy:
Qurrat-ul-Ain Rehman |
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