LEGAL SUCCOR

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Effects of Divorce

                                   Qurrat-ul-Ain Rehman

 
 

                                                      

 
 


Author:

Ms. Qurrat-ul-Ain Rehman is a well known and experienced young jurist, human rights activist interested in helping others at all levels. She will be contributing regularly in our magazine. We welcome her to be an active member of 'Intellect' family, and by the grace of God together we will bring a positive difference in the life of others. Qurrat-ul-Ain, thanks for being with us... Godspeed & Stay blessed.



 

Hello everyone!

My name is Qurrat-Ul-Ain Rehman I’m a Jurist and proud to be Pakistani. I’m a great supporter of being involved in the community and enjoy volunteering to work with special needs this is the only reason for joining the 'Intellect' family.

We live in such a fast-paced society, constrained by the hands of time and problems. Time and problems are never on our side, and deadlines always seem to come faster than expected. On the road to completing your Life, you will come across many problems. No one has time to listen to your complain about problems. Only the legal person is in this position for a reason.

My teacher use to say which I want to share with you guys……

Don’t announce the problem; fix it

Legal person is the one who deliberately want to hear your problems and came out with solution.


 

- Effects of Divorce
 

The reason of writing Article about Divorce is to give pros and cons of Divorce in Family Life. As the Divorce rate is increasing day by day mostly husband and wife think about themselves only and they not think about the after effects of Divorce, So my purpose is to aware them about the after effects of Divorce. This article summarizes many of the common psychological and emotional effects divorce has on men, women and children.

Marriage is a civil contract which can be executed and dissolved like any other contract; in Islam Divorce is the most hated permissible thing in the sight of Allah. It dissolves families and deprives children the family atmosphere. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"The most hateful permissible thing (al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is divorce."

Even in other religion Divorce is also not appreciated, following saying of Bible proves that GOD hates Divorce:

God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16) and only allows for it in the case of unfaithfulness by one or the other spouse (Matt. 19:9). Even in the case of unfaithfulness, God does not require or desire divorce but merely permits it (Matt 19:7-8). When there has been unfaithfulness or other sins that have torn apart the relationship, it is God’s desire that both partners would repent, forgive one another, and reconcile (Luke 17:3-4, 1 Corinth 7:10-11). Forgiveness is always required, and the failure to forgive is sin (Matt.6:15).


It may be difficult to forgive, and it may take a long time, but God always wants us to forgive others. In some marriages, it may be the case that on-going unfaithfulness or abuse prevents reconciliation in the marriage. It is not possible, at least not for the foreseeable future, it is neither wise nor safe for the couple to try to get back together.

However it is automatically dissolved on the death of either spouse. Additionally spouse’s legal right to dissolve marriage contract is also recognized in Islam as it is recognized by other Religions and hence both are entitled with a religious rights to dissolve a marriage. Dissolution of marriage is a legal process that terminates the marital rights and responsibilities between spouses. It will substantially affect your financial and personal life. Issues commonly involved in a dissolution case are grounds for dissolution, classification and division of assets of the spouses, ongoing obligations to provide for a spouse after dissolution, the welfare of any children of the marriage. These materials are intended for uncontested matters without complex issues.

It may be helpful to understand a little about divorce and the typical effects it has on men, women and children. If there are 550 divorces and 1,000 marriages in a given year in a given area, the ratio would be one divorce for every two marriages, e.g. a ratio of 0.55 (55%). However, this measurement compares two unlike populations, those who can marry and those who can divorce. The divorce rate in the world is 55 %. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Five percent of all second marriages end in divorce. As high as these figures are, the reasons for this are not clear. Many people cannot afford Marriages; many people who can afford but their mantel capacity not match. Another reason is strictness from the side of husband and even from his family. The societal expectation is that divorced life is less satisfying than married life. Divorce is associated with an increase in depression people
experience loss of partner, hopes and dreams, and lifestyle.

Here are some of the experiences of men women and children in divorce.

FOR WOMEN:

1. Women initiate divorce twice as often as men

2. 90% of divorced mothers have custody of their children (even if they did not receive it in court)

3. 60% of people under poverty guidelines are divorced women and children

4. 65% divorced mothers receive no child support even if the court-ordered child support

6. After divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment in general than do men. The reasons for this are that women are more likely to notice marital problems and to feel relief when such problems end

7. After divorce, women are more likely than men to rely on social support systems and help from others.

8. After divorce, women are more likely to experience an increase in self-esteem when they divorce and add new roles to their lives.

9. Women who work and place their children in child care experience a greater stigma than men in the same position. Men in the same position often attract support and compassion.

FOR MEN:

1. Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women. The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances, and the common interruption of the parental role.

2. Men remarry more quickly than women.

3. As compared to "deadbeat dads," men who have shared parenting (joint legal custody), ample time with their children, and an understanding of and direct responsibility for activities and expenses of children stay involved in their children's lives and are in greater compliance with child support obligations.

4. Men are initially more negative about divorce than women and devote more energy in attempting to salvage the marriage.

FOR CHILDREN:


Children's psychological reactions to their parents' divorce vary in degree dependent on three factors: (1) the quality of their relationship with each of their parents before the separation, (2) the intensity and duration of the parental conflict, and (3) the parents' ability to focus on the needs of children in their divorce.

Older studies showed boys had greater social and academic adjustment problems than girls. New evidence indicates that when children have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally; they just differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic than girls; they act out their anger, frustration and hurt. They may get into trouble in school; fight more with peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches or stomach aches, and have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. The impact of father or mother loss is not likely to be diminished by the introduction of stepparents. No one can replace Mom or Dad. And no one can take away the pain that a child feels when a parent decides to separate their lives.


Now that you’ve considered these different issues—how your children might feel about your current marriage and how aware they may be of your marital problems, how your children’s daily lives might change because of divorce, the emotions your children might feel if you divorce, the personal characteristics of your children that may affect how well they adjust to a divorce, and how a divorce might affect your parenting—how well do you think your children would adjust to a divorce?

REFERENCE:


Dr. Judith S. Wallerstein, noted divorce researcher.


Dr. Aslam Khaki, Advocate of Supreme Court of Pakistan (specialist in family laws).


Heyman, R. E. 2001. “Observation of Couple Conflicts: Clinical Assessment Applications, Stubborn Truths, and Shaky Foundations.”


Psychological Assessment.
Wallerstein, J., and J. Kelly. 1980. Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce.
 

Courtesy: Qurrat-ul-Ain Rehman